|
|
|
June 17th, 2006
12:02 am
I thought I'd let you guys know, I've decided to open up a new LJ. The old one is getting, well, old. I'm sure this one will turn out just like the old one (i.e. boring, whiny, etc.) but I'll try to make sure it doesn't. Also, I'm sort of curious to see who actually reads it. Anyways, here's the new journal:
http://earbox.livejournal.com
Add me if you want because I won't add you. Not to be rude, I just don't want to spam anyones page who doesn't want to read it.
|
June 15th, 2006
01:41 am
Hey guys. Wow, its gotten to the point where I only update this thing out of boredom. Though, I do have some things to talk about, the main reason is I’m generally having trouble sleeping. I haven’t fallen asleep easily in at least 2 weeks and once I fall asleep, I sleep for a long time but don’t feel rested at all. I go through little boughts of this from time to time, but I just wish there was some kind of remedy. Any suggestions? I think it has something to do with the fact that I can’t really shut off my brain. If I lay in bed for more then a few minutes without falling asleep, my mind starts the wander and I start to overthink just about every aspect of my life. This always leads to stress, and stress means trouble sleeping. Oh well. The funny part of it is some of the people I talk to later at night are the ones that are, at least indirectly, causing me stress. The first one is fairly simple. A friend who I’ve been keeping in close contact with since Calgary. We’ve been talking a lot and the more I talk to her the more I realise that we’d be great friends if she didn’t live in Manitoba. Of all the people I know, she is one of the easiest people to talk to and she actually seems to like talking to me. Anyways, I guess I’m just frustrated that she lives so far away. I miss Calgary. The second person who is causing me stress is someone who I’ve written about before. Most of our conversations go in a normal fasion with her putting herself down and me trying to lift her spirits, usually to have my words twisted. This time, I also was asked for advice. I guess her situation just reminded me how low I sit on the metaphorical food chain of relationships. I know this is stupid to be worried about, but I really can’t help it. I made it through all of first year without going on a single date. Not a single person even hinted at an interest. She, on the other hand, currently has 5... lets call them suitors. Now, even though the comparison is kind of beauty vs. beast here, it still seems a bit unfair. Anyways, I’m ranting. This is the problem, I’m tired but I can’t actually fall asleep. Curse my feeble brain. Good night all.
|
June 1st, 2006
09:27 pm
Hey. Here are some pictures from my recent trips. My camera had some problems so I don’t have any pictures from Ottawa but I do have them from Calgary and New York. The trips were a lot of fun and I loved every minute of them. I’m still tired and probably won’t ever do a full update for any of them so if you want to know anything specific, ask or have coffee with me. Mmm, coffee. Also, if anyone wants to join me in seeing the TSO on saturday, I have a spare ticket. They’re playing Shostakovich 10.
New York
( Read more... )
|
May 30th, 2006
11:24 pm
Hey. I just got back from NYC this afternoon. I have a lot of stories to tell and I'll get to them eventually. I also have photos. I have officially played Carnegie Hall now, although that was not the most memorable part of the trip. I'm not sure what was, but eating a sandwich the size of Stephs head at the Carnegie deli (with Sarah cheering me on) to smoking a cigar on the bow of a ship cruising around Manhattan on monday night. The whole thing was awesome. Me go sleep now.
|
May 21st, 2006
12:49 pm
I’m back from Alberta and Ottawa. It can all be sumarized thusly: 2 weeks, 8 concerts, 5 cities, 80 hours of rehearsals, 3 hours of repetoire, far to much alcohol, far to little sleep, and far to much fun. I can really list everything thats happened. A few things I’ve learned on the trip: When musicians are drunk they will sing...anything. A lot of us decided to sing Cohen for a while one night. Clubing is more fun then I thought, though dancing is more of a realisation for me then anything else. I will look like a complete and utter fool regardless of what I do, so I might as well dance. Sarah, her friend and Eric convinced a few of us to go clubing one night. We went to the cabin in the market and it was country night. It was strange...ly fun actually.
One of our conductors had some interesting expressions for us. He told us to “Squeeze the lemons. Get all the special juices out” and to “kneed the bread” with the appropriate action. He was trying to get us to put more “emotion” into the music. We’re not exactly sure what his definition of emotion is, but it was a tango after all.
Thats all I can really recall to write about. There was obviously a lot more, but I need a few days to sort it all out though. I now need to send some emails to Lisa, Aubrey, and Mikaela.
Actually thats one more thing I can write about. So far I’ve actually gotten 2 emails from people who really want to keep in touch. This year I made it my mission to keep in touch with the people I met this year and both Aubrey and Mikaela have already started. Part of me is amazed that people actually want to take the effort to keep in touch and part of me is also relived that I don’t have to start up the corresponece for fear of it being very one sided. Anyways, I am happy and off to New York next week.
|
May 14th, 2006
04:45 pm
Hey guys, just letting you know I'm back from Calgary but I'm leaving for Ottawa in a few hours. I can sum up the week by saying 9 hours of rehearsals a day, 6 concerts in the last 4 days, and drinking every single night and staying up until the wee hours in the morning. The people were awesome and I made some really close friends. I'll write more later but I need to go and do it all again in a different city. =)
|
May 6th, 2006
12:32 am
Hey all, I know I don't write in this thing much anymore (probably a good thing) but I'm just letting you guys know that I am now done 1st year and I'm off to Calgary and Ottawa until the 20th. That means I really have no contact with the world, so if you really need to contact me, my cell phone is the only option. See you guys then.
|
March 11th, 2006
12:03 am
Wow, its kind of surreal around here right now. I’m sitting in bed, in a tuxedo, alone, on my computer, listening to “Also Sprach Zarathustra” on vinyl (CSO Solti), drinking beer, and desperately longing to be anywhere else. I just want out of my surroundings for now. I need a change, a place where nothing that I do matters to anyone or anything but myself. Time off, time for me. I guess I want to be a hermit for at least few days. Anywise, I do have the weekend more or less off and I will take advantage of it.
Well, its been almost three months now since I asked her out and she said no and I still like her. I’m not exactly sure what it is about her, but I don’t look at anyone else the same way. Though, she didn’t really say no. She said “I don’t believe either of us have time for a relationship” and “I need to focus on myself to reach my goals” or something to that effect. Basically a no, but a polite way of putting it. It almost would’ve been easier if she had just flat out said no and been creeped out by the whole thing and tried to avoid me (which frankly I though was the most likely scenario and I’m still amazed it didn’t happen). The problem with this is that I can’t really move on easily because there is no one to take her place and even if there was I’d just be rejected again. Oh well, I guess all this will get better with time but, like everything, its taking far to long. I just wish she liked my as much as her dog does.
Anyways, this has been a rather bizarre ramble. I always mean to write more, but I really shouldn’t subject you all to that much more. I’ll just leave it at that.
|
February 20th, 2006
12:22 am
Well, I made it back from Sudbury in one piece (barely) and with 2 extra people. I did learn some interesting things this weekend, like just how disturbing a cougar bar is, that drinking is good (more of a rediscovery =) )and that you can be passed by a truck pulling a trailer as he's fishtailing. Also, whiteouts and snow covered highways are not fun things. Yeah, driving to sudbury, playing a concert, drinking, drivining back to toronto, playing 1 concert, sight reading a dance band set, then driving back into toronto to drop someone off and then back to mississauga is a tiring thing. My average velocity this weekend has been 20 kilometers an hour. No jokes. Anyways, I'm off to bed. Perhaps I'll tell you more tommorow.
|
February 13th, 2006
11:43 pm
Wow, tommorow's going to suck. I have 10 hours of class, from 10am-9pm with 1 hour for dinner. And its all face time (playing).
2 hours: 10am Jazz Band (Subing. Real band, real jazz musicians.)
1 hour: Tuba performance Class
1 hour: quintet
1 hour: tuba lesson
3 hours: Wind Ensemble
1 hour: dinner
2 hours: Jazz Band
Also, tommorow is Valentines day if you hadn't already realised. I have no plans of course. Its kinda sad, I've never had plans on valentines day. I know its a commercialized holiday that really means nothing (St. Valentines is actually though to be a stalker and pevert according to new evidence), but I can't help but feel that the fact that I'm single is sort of being rubbed in my face. You'd think I'd be used to it by now.
|
February 10th, 2006
07:57 pm
The following entry contains random whining. Reader discretion is advised.
Its strange, I’m where I want to be, doing what I want to do, and yet I’m miserable. I’m not miserable in the sense that “I hate what I’m doing and I want to be anywhere but here” or “get my away from these people”, just miserable. I like what I’m doing. Actually, I love what I’m doing. I’m now also playing in the Wind Ensemble as well as the Symphonic Band at U of T, I’m likely playing tenor tuba for the Grieg Funeral March with TSYO, I’m going on tour with 3 ensembles for almost all of May, and people keep complimenting my playing (for reasons that still baffle me, but thats another rant). The only motivation I have to do anything anymore comes from others. I only eat regular meals because I eat them with Lisa, I go to rehearsal because Don (or Gillian or Daryl or Anna or John etc.) would be pissed if I skipped, I go to class because if I don’t Lisa would probably start smacking me around, and the funniest part of it all is I go to the gym every day now because of Sarah (a strange story). I still do things, but I have no motivation of my own. I wouldn’t get out of bed if I didn’t have to, but I always have to. I don’t like this state of mind. I want motivation, I want to feel good about myself and my playing, and I want to do well; I’m just not sure how anymore. Perhaps its because I’m lonely. I do have a habit of getting bitter and gloomy around Valentines day (for obvious reasons). I don’t think thats it though. Anyways, thats enough rambling for today. Sorry if you actually read this.
|
February 4th, 2006
11:02 pm - A long overdue entry the things I've done, shouldn't have done, and still should do.
Since Laine claims I haven’t updated this thing in forever, I guess I should. I has been a month after all.
That does sound like a better panty-stripper then a singapore sling, assuming they like rootbeer.
Anyways, things haven’t changed a whole lot in the past month. I’ve been here at school, not working very hard on my theory work but still doing far too much elsewhere. I really need to work on that. I also started going to the gym this week. I’ve rowed over 30 kilometers this week. I auditioned for the NYOC and it actually went well, or at least as well as could be expected. I didn’t get in, but I’m fairly happy with how it went.
Its been about a month and a half since I asked her and she said no. The problem is, it hasn’t changed a lot. I still like her. It would make it easier if she had said no in a way that made it clear that it was a “now way, no how” response, but she made the mistake of being very tactful about it by explaining that she didn’t have enough time for a relationship and that she needs to spend more time working on her performance. It still means a simple “no”, but it lets the less rational part of my brain wonder whether she might have said yes if I’d waiting or made a move earlier etc. We still spend a fair amount of time together, and I’m starting to regret ever asking. I knew I didn’t have a chance, but I guess I just wanted to be absolutly sure, but I’m no better off then when I started. Oh well, as Lisa said, “You have no luck with women, do you?”. No suprise there.
I went to a really interesting masterclass on friday (at the expense of 2 classes). It was with Alan Baer, Principal Tubist of the New York Phillharmonic. He did many interesting things, including the use of drones and a drum machine while playing various passages to solidify the tonality and rhythm of the excerpt. It is the weirdest thing to hear Mozart’s Requiem played with a drum machine, but it worked extremely well. However, the masterclass acted more of an inspiration then anything else. He is an amazing player and an amazing person. Every minute of the class was a minute I felt like I was wasting by not practicing (even though I was enjoying the masterclass a lot). It reaffirmed what I need to do.
A quote from the master class: “Every minute that you’re not practicing, someone else is and when you meet them in an audition, they will win.”
Also, today I went to a sold out concert (we actually had to sit on the ledge of the balcony) at the faculty with Lisa and Sarah. It was the Rite of Spring and Shostakovich #10 played by a combined orchestra of the UTSO and the Conservatoire de musique de Montréal Orchestra. All I can say is wow. I want to be in that group next year. I’m off to the practice room.
Also, a message: I have been busy (not doing things I’m supposed too, but busy non the less) and I haven’t been online enough and I miss many of you. If you want to talk, send me an email or leave a comment. I promise I’ll respond.
Current Mood: ![[mood icon]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/mood/sam/relaxed.gif) relaxed
Current Music: Paris On Ponce (Live At Jazz Standard) by René Marie
|
January 4th, 2006
11:12 pm
Hello all.
I'm really looking forward to school starting again. I need something to do. I've been sleeping far to late and not really getting anything done when I'm awake. I guess taking a break isn't such a bad thing but I'd really like to get on with things. Am I weird? Am I the only one who wants to go back to school? Hell, I don't even care that I'm going to have to deal with the fallout from "the email" when I get back.
I've been reading a lot of these "write 10 things to your friends" things. It's a really neat thing though I can't get myself to do it. I'd like to think I'm open with my friends and they know how much they mean to me, but perhaps I'll try it tommorow. I'm curious to know if I'm actually mentioned in any of them but I don't think I am though. Yes, I think I'll give it a shot tommorow.
Oh yes, and these two pictures made me laugh a great deal:
http://park21.wakwak.com/%7Ehidetuba/photo/04-09-saitou/08.jpg
http://park21.wakwak.com/%7Ehidetuba/photo/04-09-saitou/11.jpg
If anyone can tell me what on earth is going on in these photos, I would be very grateful. They're listed under "Saito Kinen Festival 2004" on a Japanese tuba players website but his english skills leave something to be desired so there are no captions.Thanks.
Current Mood: ![[mood icon]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/mood/sam/amused.gif) amused
Current Music: Sleepy Maggie (Hi How Are You Today?) by Ashley MacIsaac
|
January 1st, 2006
11:56 pm
Its now 2006. A lot has changed in the past year. Anyways, I’m not sure exactly what to say about 2005. It was good in many ways (for me, not the world. For the world it was a shitty year) but I have a number of regrets but I won’t list them here. Anyways, I have a few resolutions:
1) The most common one is to continue to loose weight as well as get in shape.
2) I’d like to focus more on my studies. Practice more, do my theory assignments with more then half my ass, actually do well on the rest of my essays for the year, etc.
3) Help the Bear with her resolution (to learn how to make croissants. Mmmm mmm. This might be a bit contrary to #1)
4) Have a little more self confidence. Question is, how?
Anyways, I’d sum up the year but anyone who cares about what happened probably already knows about it and I’m to lazy to type it all. 2006 should be great. Lots of good experiences lines up. Music related trips to Alberta (rehearsing in Calgary, touring the province), Ottawa, New York City (Carnagie Hall), and Denver so far. One more is scheduled to a location as yet to be named (orchestra tour). Also, I’m starting to get really comfortable around some of my new friends but also really appreciating my old friends (I’ve missed you guys.) 2006 can only be better then 2005.
One interesting thing. Its really nice to know that your thought of by someone even when your not around. I got a birthday phone call from Lisa, well actually a message because I missed the call =(. I’m just impressed that she even remembered it was my birthday as we really haven’t been in touch over the break. Anyways, it was nice.
Happy (belated) birthdays to Cindy and the Panda.
Oh yes, and I’m now 19. Woohoo.
Current Mood: ![[mood icon]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/mood/sam/okay.gif) okay
Current Music: Til You're Dead - Melissa Ferrick
|
December 19th, 2005
08:42 pm
So this is the end of the semester. I’m done. Nothing more to do. Actually, I was done on friday, but this is the first time I’ve sat down to make an entry. Frankly, I don’t write in this thing that much anymore. I do enjoy myself at U of T, but I’m starting to wonder if I’m where I should be. I enjoy music and I would love to make a career out of it, but whether I can is another question. There are so many astoundingly good players at the faculty and not even all of them will make it. I am certainly not one of the astoundingly good players. I’m average at best. I have such a long way to go. I guess we’ll have to wait and see.
I’ve also moved out of U of T for this semester. I hadn’t quite realized just how much I like the people on my floor. Several of them were in my room when I got back (I have a roommate, he was there) and I got a rather warm welcome when I got back. Its suprising how well we all seem to get along. Anyways, I really like where I live, though at times I do wish I had a single room. Its alright though.
I guess the biggest thing thats happened in the past few days is I finally told her. I sent her an email, which probably made me sound like a bit of an idiot (not undeserved), which explained the whole thing. I was actually suprised at the response. It was not a yes, but a much more gracious no that anticipatied. I was expecting an “eewww no” or a “bwahaha, no way” but it was more along the lines of “I really don’t have time to start a relationship.” Obviously not what I wanted, but I didn’t really have high expectations of the whole thing. Aside from the time issue, she can do better then me, not that it’s terribly hard to do. Oh well, its done and over with and I can officially say I have asked someone out. Geez, that was actually the first time.
Anyways, in case I don’t see you in the near future, I wish you a happy end of classes and all of the subsequent happy holidays to come.
|
December 17th, 2005
08:10 am
Holy crap, what have I done?
|
November 27th, 2005
11:32 pm - Back from Nfld.
Hello all.
I haven't written in this thing for a while. Anyways, I just got back from Newfoundland this evening. Hannaford went there to celebrate the release of it's new Christmas CD. You might want to know some details of the trip and they will come in time, but not right now because I've only had about 7 hours of sleep since friday. I'll say this though: It was very fun, very weird, and a bit alarming. I'll explain later.
|
November 2nd, 2005
11:05 pm
Hello all. I feel compelled to write here because I went to a concert tonight. The TSO played the Pines of Rome. *drools* It was one of those concerts that makes me glad I’m in performance. It was a world class performance. I just loved it. And best of all, the conductor hopped while conducting. Hopped as in both feet leaving the ground simultaneously in an upward fashion (in time as well). Hopefully someone will think I’m good enough to hold a real position somewhere. If that fails, there’s always Scott’s option.
Oh yeah, funny thing happened the other day. In tuba performance class, I played the Hindemith tuba sonata. Actually, played is a generous term. Butchered is a bit more accurate. Anyways, my teacher had a guest with him. He didn’t tell me until after my “performance” that he was the principal tuba of the RSNO (Royal Scottish National Orchestra). I was, to say the least, very embarrassed.
Oh yes, it would seem that I have a bit of a recurring predicament with a cornet player. This has happened a few times now. Maybe I’ll get some answers this time.
Does it make me a that much of a music nerd to see Mahler 5 2 nights in a row with 2 different orchestras? What about that being the 3 time I’ve seen Mahler 5 live this year? Oh well, I don’t care what you think =p
|
October 27th, 2005
10:53 pm
I really don’t update this thing very often anymore. I just don’t have time. To give you an example, this is my schedule for the next 3 days:
Friday
9-10 Intro to music and society tutorial
11-1 Orchestral Lit. Studies
1-2 Lit for our time tutorial
2-4 Lit for our time Lecture
5-6 TYWO meeting
6-7 Loading percussion
7-9ish? TYWO Rehearsal
Saturday
10-12 Hannaford
early afternoon (not sure when I need to be there)-11 TYWO concert with preparations and take down
Sunday
10-12 Contemporary music ensemble rehearsal (concert on tuesday)
1-4 TYWO Rehearsal
7:30-9 Quintet Rehearsal
Anyways, as usual a lot has been going on but not much I can write about. Just a lot of small things. All the ensembles have been going well. Vienna Teng was awesome. My schedule is starting to get a bit out of hand. I need a day off, if not just to clean my room and do laundry. I guess I can always say “at least I’m not taking calc.”
A few good interesting things though. I hadn’t realised quite how cool it is to go to Roy Thompson Hall and listen to a piece played and watch one of your profs walk on stage and take a bow because he’s the composer (not to mention one of your profs is also playing horn with them). Also, I now have 20 more gigs of music thanks to Sarah. We had a bit of a music swap last night. One other thing. We had a quintet master class today. For those who don’t know, what happens is each quintet plays a few selections and the teachers and students rip apart the performance (its not that bad, but it can get a bit brutal sometimes). Our performance was sub par, but it went well. Nothing to terrible. The thing that interested me was this, I got two separate comments on my tone. One said, and I quote, “the sound you’re getting from that horn is fucking awesome” where as the other said “your tone is too blossomy”. I’m not sure what that means, but I liked the first one.
I could finish this post off with a rather long string of pointless whining, but if you just looked back at my older posts, you’d see exactly what I was going to write, so I’ll spare anyone who still reads this.
|
October 19th, 2005
01:30 am
Well, I haven’t really updated this thing in a while. Not a lot has been going on to write about. Actually, a lot has been going on, just its all small relatively uneventful things. My life is far from boring at the moment, but if I were to write about it, it would become very boring to you.
Some important things that have been going on:
-My work load is becoming a bit ridiculous. My basic schedule hasn’t changed since my last update, but I’m starting to be volentold into various extra things, like a jazz reading session or orchestral studies or little quintet gigs etc. Its really eating away at my time and motivation to do other things.
-Lack of motivation will be a big problem this year. I’m perfectly happy to go to class and as long as I’m there I will participate with enthusiasm or will play well, but as soon as I’m on my own, I’m just one huge lazy ass.
-My playing is definitely improving while I’m here, which is interesting because I really haven’t been practising much. I do, however, get the feeling that I’m decidedly lacking in the talent department in comparison to many of the musicians around.
-If I do succeed in making a career in music, I think I’m heading towards more chamber, jazz, and commercial music. I do enjoy symphonic playing and I do hope to play in an orchestra at some point, it does lack a lot of variety. I can do so much more interesting work in other fields. But then again, with an orchestra comes a steady pay cheque. Always an appeal (if I were to even get the job in the first place).
-In terms of socialness and the likes, I’ve been doing better this year. People seem much nicer and much more open this year. In the past people often ignored me or passed me by as someone to talk to or just interact with, but its different this year. That's not to say I’m a particularly sociable person now, but I do find it easier. I’ve actually made a few very close friends so far.
-I think I need to start taking a bit better care of myself health wise. I’ve been getting headaches for the better part of a week now. I’m not quite sure what its caused by, but tylenol makes it all better.
-I’m getting closer and closer to telling her. Over the past little while, we’ve started talking a lot more and it just makes me realise how great she is. One of these days. I just hope she doesn’t think I’m a creep.
Anyways, that's just about all I can think of to update. There really isn’t much to say, or much I can think of saying. Speaking of which, I’m seriously considering closing this journal down. I’m running out of things to say (not that I had much to begin with) and frankly, who reads this thing? Anyways, good night all and have fun with your midterms or whatever you might be doing now.
|
|
|
![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small}
particleboard's journal
